i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
