Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
