Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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