as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
