I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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