at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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