I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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