the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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