If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
