he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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