Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
