I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
