no, he came in my armpit
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
