i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
