it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
