And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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