Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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