I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
