it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
