Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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