He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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