Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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