I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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