do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
