I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
