Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
