Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
