his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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