My friends, they love my intelligence
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
