I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
