3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
