Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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