wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
