i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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