my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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