apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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