This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
