Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
