just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
