My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize