I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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