You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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