there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
