Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
