guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
