He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
