dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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