Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
