Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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