i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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