she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
