I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
