Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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