chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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