how can u be prego again
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But break dance skills will only take you so far
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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