dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
