strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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