note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
