Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
