Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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