And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
