Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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