If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
