Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
