it wasn't lemon gatorade
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
