he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
