I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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