Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
