walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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