I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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