Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need moral support for this bender
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
