just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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