I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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