You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
