No stitches, just platelets and will power
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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